JANUARY 2012

Wow it's been forever, and so much has changed! First the weight, my goal weight which I hit on December 24, 2009 was 145, I got there but it didn't take long to keep fluctuating up and down. In the last 6 months I gained 10-15 lbs. don't ask cause I really don't know how. I think it had to do with other life changes, me getting older, life being too still, I need to move my butt. Also, had so many health issues. Anyway, finally had surgery on 1/4/2012 to take care of 3 hernias, 2 of which had my intestine involved and were dangerous. also, had a biopsy cause dr found a tumor in there but it was benign, thank you God. today I'm 3 weeks out of surgery and recovering very slowly. This is 3rd surgery in 3 years and longest, hardest recovery. I'm back to work since last week and still hurting. yesterday was very uncomfortable. I'm not in pain, agony, per say but I hurt and I hate sitting here all day. I still have to move slowly and be careful. Anyway, the good news is that I'm losing weight again, finally. I haven't been able to eat much or like usual since surgery, for whatever reason my insides are still swollen and my food won't go down normal, and even though my activity level is at zero since surgery, I still have been losing weight. down 8 lbs from my gain. I want 145 again, even less, but right now my goal is 5 more lbs to get me under 150, then I'll take it from there. I have been taking CoQ10 regularly and vitamins that all help with metabolism so maybe it's helping. as soon as I'm 100% mobile, gonna start exercising somehow, a gym or alot of walking. In 2011, 3 people close to me had the surgery, my coworker, my grandchildrens auntie and my cousin. I've been trying to be a mentor to all 3, they are doing so wonderfully, and I am proud that maybe I am an example and I inspired them to go fot it. They are all happier because of their decision.So on the personal front 2011, hhmm, let me see I went online, met someone and I'm engaged! Robert & I met on PlentyofFish.com and were engaged 4 months later on his 50th bd. He's awesome, not like any guy I've been with before, appearance wise or behavior wise, but he loves me so much and he's so wonderful to me and my family. I love love his family, he is 1 of 6 and they are great people. We are trying to get hitched this year, just need to get through our premarital counseling but because of his work schedule it's difficult to get to class. Also, 12/31/2011, Brittany moved out with Travis - 3 1/2 & Lily - 2, it breaks my heart a little but there is more peace in my house and for Joshua and that's whats important, I need my son to be on a balanced mental level. The kids are at my house 3-4 nights a week, so I still spend plenty of time with them. Even Isabella and melina have been coming around more often now, probably cause the tension and demeanor in the house has changed. I love Brittany, she's a great person, but not such a good girlfriend, she has issues that cause too much stress on a relationship and the people around too. So for now it's best she's on her own with her parents and her babies. Joshua is okay with having the babies 1/2 time, and it lets each one of them have more time for themselves, without feeling like they are the only parent and the other one is out there having a party every night. Joel is still with me, lost his job and has been trying to find another one, he may end up moving back to Florida. I'll miss him but he is grown and he needs to do what's best for his future. I think Joshua will miss him most since they hang out alot more now that B is gone. I think Joel wants to go for his career, but he misses his fam and the babies. So not sure where that will go.Melina & Isabella are still at Dawn's, Isabella is 3 now and grown up so much, she is still half week with daddy and it's been hard for Melina but it's been civil and that's what is best for Isabella.We are all well, getting through every day with God's help and Grace. His mercy endureth forever, it's all we can count on 100%.My life isn't perfect, losing a bunch of work didn't change that. It didn't change my outlook, my confidence, my sense of worth, not totally, I still hate my body, probably more now since all this skin is horrid. But I have to learn to love myself, hopefully one day I will. I have 3 awesome kids, 3 awesome grandbabies, a few great friends, even if only by text, email, facebook :) and a man who loves me eternally. For all that I am grateful and thankful. I'm in my 50's now, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna get better.until we meet again!That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

February 16, 2010 - 19 months out

Wow I haven't posted in awhile. I actually forget to post :)~ The weight is still hanging off of me, thank God. I kind of fluctuate 5 lbs up and down but as of yesterday I'm back to goal of 145. I wear a size 6 in jeans, I still wear 8's cause it's what I have and no money to buy anything else. I tried on a dress that Melina just bought it was an 8 and it fit perfectly, a little big up top but thats the style of the dress and the fact that I am now wearing 36D, for heavens sake from a 42D, my chest has melted and it's surely not pretty. Here is a pic of the dress, it's kind of fuzzy because Joshua didn't like me looking so sexy and I had to force him to take the picture, so he did it quick and didn't even focus it.

hhm PICTURES don't seem to be loading I will probably have to add them manually :(

also on the big news front, I have a new granddaughter, Lily Marie Davila was born Monday, January 25, 2010, 1 week late. quick delivery and she is beautiful. big baby, the biggest of the 3 grandbabies, 8 lbs 5 oz and 21 inches. she's long and thin, long skinny feet and such a good baby. she's a joy and so pretty, since she was a full size she isn't scrawny or anything her cheeks are full :) dark hair and fair skin, she's darker than Britt and Travis LOL. Travis is doing okay with her, he has his moments. Isabella sees her, makes comments but she's in a whatever stage at the moment.

So as for me and this weight loss thing can't believe I am at goal, and it's hard to keep thinking about how easy it is to blow it, so it kind of gives me anxiety when I see some of my yahoo support group people gaining 40 lbs in a year, I think 2 of the women posted that last month. it's scary. makes me so nervous. I don't exercise like I should because of the arthritis, the bad knee and the horrible back. it really is inexplainable how bad my back can hurt and when my knee decides to get into the mix forget it. I did get my 3rd supartz shot so that hopefully will help my knee. I have to go for a follow up mri this week to see how my back is doing. I didn't enjoy the shot in my spine that I got back in August so I truly am praying I don't need it again but I will do whatever I have to do to get some relief. I didn't lose all this weight to still be disabled by these aches.

so it's not easy having your stomach and intestines cut and re-routed as always the people that think this is easy yeah right, you try it. restrictions are huge, pain is daily if you're not careful and I am not always careful. I do feel deprived sometimes but for the most part I can eat whatever food I want just small quantities and carefully. I can even have some sweets, just a little and some bug me more than others so I stay away from the sweets except for chips ahoy, they always seem to be in the house and I tend to have 2 at a time sometimes twice a day but not always just when I want a snack. more than 2 will be bad so I limit them. at work we have someone who always has those mini bite chocolates and I may have 1 of those a day, usually 3 musketeers, twix, kit kat, something like that. sometimes just eat half of one but at least I know I can if I want to.

so I got a haircut this weekend, even got a pedi, courtesy of Melina. God Bless her! I don't ever have money to do anything for myself anymore and it sucks that I can't shop or buy anything I want to buy but at least this weekend I got those 2 things and also got treated to dinner at Red Lobster, I ate enough and brought home the rest for the next day. Josh and I took care of it :)

for the most part I am doing okay. have pain daily but I just have to work through it and try to move on. dealing with maintaining my weight is so stressful. I still log my weight every Wednesday but I check it at least 2-3 times a week so that I know what is happening and try and stay on track.

Anyway, that's it for now.

GOALLL! I hit my weight loss goal today Merry Christmas

So I've been sick since Christmas Eve, got stomach flu,the 4th person in my house to get hit this week and on Wednesday weighin I was 2 lbs short for goal and this a.m. I was down 3. so I'm under goal, 144 lbs. the illness helped. that's a total weight loss of 118 lbs. pre/post op surgery loss. the last time I even think I was that weight I was in Junior HS. i still have eating issues with some stuff affecting me bad but I see I can have a little more carbs and sweets once in awhile and that is my goal to stop that nonsense. thats how I screwed up all the other times, a little here and a little there and no damage to scale but then bang it all hits and it's over. now that my system got a jolt, albeit a harsh one I'm gonna take this opportunity to get my butt back on track. i've been up all night with cramping but it's been almost 12 hours without any bathroom visits so I think I'm okay. drinking tea now to see how it goes. gonna stay on tea, water and broth today and even tomorrow if I can to give my system a rest. my son and his gf broke out and started eating regular right away, crazy. i won't risk it. i am thankful though that since I can't eat much there isn't much going in and coming out LOL but it was bad anyway. do any of our nurses know why after the food is out of our tummy our system still keeps vomiting just liquid and air? its so painful and weird. anyway my FB family, I feel better today and the kids and Travis do too, so i hope it doesn't hit anyone else here. my oldest son came home from Sacto on Wednesday night and it hit him lightly on Thursday and yesterday but nothing serious. I finally completed 1 goal in my life and I am praying to God everyday that I can maintain my weight, I get so scared when I hear people gaining even after 1 year of surgery, I know I'm not eating crazy but I don't exercise cause my arthritis in my neck and back is aggravated by exercise, and it's extremely painful. so for me controlling the eating is the main way I have to keep the weight off. I hit goal before the New Year so I'm about to start the year with a new outlook on my health, the main goal to stay fit for life, do some fun stuff and for sure try to treat myself to new clothes (when the governator gives me back my full paycheck). Thank you to everyone who continously give me their support and love I do appreciate it. I hope everyone had a great Christmas with their family and friends. love you all. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

2009 Office Christmas Party

We had our Christmas party on 12/16/2009, really nice time. I'm in charge of the planning and stuff so I'm always happy when everyone enjoys themselves. I was thrilled I could dress up and look pretty decent for the party. Had fun, ate well and felt so much better than last year :) That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

It's my 49th bd today, -113 lbs 4 lbs. from goal

WOW It's my birthday today, 49 years young! I had the honor of attending the Women of Faith as a volunteer this weekend and was totally blessed and made some new friends. One of the highlights of my weekend a WOW moment was on Saturday evening. Nicole C. Mullen, Christian singer, was going to close the evening and I wanted to be where the action is, so I RAN down the arena steps, yep ran. BUT the WOW moment is that I ran back UP the arena steps. When I got to the top I was like OMG I ran up the steps and I can still breathe and I didn't have a heart attack. I actually took a picture of the steps to see how many there were LOL at least 50-70 steps because I was at the top of second level. and if you've been to any arena you know there alot of little steep steps. anyway that was a big WOW moment, I also stood most of Friday and Saturday working the conference and was able to feel okay afterwards. Of course I would never have volunteered if I didn't think I could stand and hustle around without getting tired, but the steps were an extra :) anyway, I gave myself a gift this a.m. by stepping on the scale, had to do it today cause I didn't eat perfectly this weekend being that I was stuck at arena and had to deal with whatever I was fed or could buy. anyway 149!!!! SEE PIC BELOW, I am in the 140's woohoo. 4 lbs from goal. the last time I weighed 146 I was on WW and it was 1991. anything under 146 was when I was in JUNIOR high school. so when I hit goal of 145 it will be the first time since I was about 12 or 13, because I vividly remember (i hv pictures) my 9th grade jr. high graduation and I was probably a size 16 already at 14 years old. I am okay with where I am, I wear a size 8, some 8's are big on me. some folks say enough don't keep losing but come on people, 1st I am not really trying to lose, 2nd I can't help it if I do lose now cause my body will do what it wants. 3rd I haven't reached goal yet. 4th my personal goal was 145 but at 5'3" that's still high. my normal bmi will kick in at 140 so we shall see. I know if I could have PS I could drop at least 5 lbs of all this fat but oh well don't think that will happen. For sure, it's been a rough challenging year, health wise and every single other thing too. still having some health issues but doing well. getting ready for grandbaby #3 next month. never thought I'd be grandmother 3x's over at my age but "the best laid plans..." I truly thought it was my turn now, all kids grown adults but God had other plans for me. It's been a really bad year with the pay cut and stuff, things are going downhill fast and I can't stop it but the days go by and we can't stop them either. I am praying that next year is better, that by the time I hit the big 5-0, I can say things are finally stable and I can have a happier life until the end. today is a day like any other, no big hurrah, I do appreciate all the birthday wishes and I am grateful that all of you are here, you do make a difference in my life. Be truly blessed for each day is not promised! That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

15 MONTHS OUT - Honeymoon period still going?

WOW 1 month ago I posted and I had actually gained 3 lbs and didn't know how that happened, well it's been going down hill from there. I somehow managed to drop 9 lbs. from that point, 5 lbs in last week. that hasn't happened since surgery! I am now 151 lbs and 6 lbs away from my goal. I am in a perfect size 8 jeans (finally got some new ones) and except for this cold, sinus, neck arthritis I feel pretty good. My back has calmed down tremendously since I got the cortisone/steroid injection, the procedure wasn't nice, painful and stressful but wow it worked. I feel so so much better. I was in debilitating agony with back/hip/groin pain, now it only hurts if I overdo it and it only hurts not agony, so I'm thankful for that. I've had a stupid cold for 3 weeks and just when I think it's almost gone, now I have a sore throat and having issues swallowing, for heavens sake that annoys me. whenever I get a cold I feel like a child, like why do adults get dumb colds. I have sinus/allergy issues so usually I do have a runny nose and sinus headache but this is just dumb, blowing my nose, runny nose, earache, now sore throat, it's useless. My 2 grandbabies are sick AGAIN, and my daughter, we keep passing it around the house.Well work is good, I love my job, I am blessed with a great work environment, awesome boss and a pretty good staff. of course the governor cutting our salary by 15% is a downer but we try to encourage each other. we remodeled the office during the past 3 months so we have new paint on walls and new carpeting, looks awesome and a new phone system is getting installed this week. Makes you wonder where is the "budget crisis" if we are getting all this nice fancy new stuff. what we spent on this stuff could cover my 15% paycut for 2009. it is unbelievable the amount we pay for rent too, we are in a private building not a State building so we pay a pretty penny but we love the building it's nice, safe, clean and in a great location in San Francisco's financial district, can't beat it. we have it all right outside our door so it's a nice area to work in and at least we have that. we are all praying that our furlough/pay cut is eliminated in June 2010 as promised, if not sooner. The stress I am having because of the pay cut is driving me insane. Oh my labs are sad again, waiting on my surgeon to get back to me about what we are going to do, some labs went up but still some low, my ferritin is horrible! my Vitamin D finally went up not alot but I think alot better. As my weight keeps dropping it may all get worse but I hope not. I am in SHOCK that I am dropping so much weight at this point but I am thrilled to death that I am so close to goal. I got on scale couldn't believe it and jumped back on to make sure. i am still in shock that i dropped 5 lbs in a week. hopefully the momentum will continue so I can lose the 6 lbs get to goal and then work on maintenance although to get to "the" goal I should be for my height I have to drop some more but when I make it to 145 I will be grateful and satisfied that I worked for a goal and succeeded. so that's all for now. take care and God bless each and everyone of you trying to get to your goals! That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

14 Months Out - things not going so good

someone in my online support group asked me today if I regret having this surgery, here's my response. I do not regret the surgery, I've lost weight so far 105 lbs. from before and after surgery. still need to lose more but it's good. I say I don't regret it but I honestly feel that I don't know what I've done to myself by doing this. you caught me at a time where I am just not happy. it's been a few months and it's probably got alot to do with the hormones but sometimes i am sad that I had the surgery because my life has changed so much as far as eating. it's been 14 months and I still obssess about food, all day it's a struggle with what i'm eating, how much and that i ate the wrong thing. in the past 2 weeks i gained 3 lbs and i don't know how and that has just added to my depression. the loose skin issue has also got me depressed and when i see that yes i regret the surgery. i think it has alot to do also with me not having a social life, i have no friends, i only go to work and home. so it allows for alot of sitting and thinking time, and of course thinking about food and grazing out of boredom. definitely the health issues I had are gone now, but due to the arthritis and now a joint issue in my back i'll never be pain free and that still holds me back which upsets me because i didn't go through this surgery to still be sitting down instead of running around. it's great that my clothes size is down that I share clothes with my daughter, but right now during the past few weeks I feel so fat and so low and just don't have any desire to deal with this eating issue. today i had a cookie and it was not a little cookie it was big and i took the chance and ate it, i didn't dump but i felt woozy and just weak and it's been 4 hours and i still feel out of sorts. of course can't do that all the time so I have to watch it. I think some of us get this surgery and think that their life will change in a different way and it doesn't. my life is the same except for the fact that I can't enjoy a meal, can't go to a restaurant and order something and actually enjoy it. sometimes i cook because i'm craving something so much and then i cook it, have a few bites and i'm disgusted with it, i hate that. I will say that if anyone, including you, asks me if I would recommend the surgery I say yes, go for it. don't let anything or anyone keep you from the surgery that will probably save your life. my experiences are mine, everyone is different and I think for the most part most people don't go through this down period I am feeling. but then again I do feel that most people do have the periods of "what did I do?" and probably don't admit it because then they may have someone say "I told you so" or "deal with it you wanted surgery there you go" but me, I won't lie to anyone that asks me about the life after surgery, it's not easy, it's hard, it takes alot of willpower and committment, but yes I would do it again. SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG BUT I GUESS I HAD TO LET IT OUT. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

Women of Faith Conference, Sacramento, CA

That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

13 MOS post op -105 lbs.

So on Sunday the 23rd it will be my 13th month out. Today was my weekly weigh in and I'm down to 157, wearing 8's and sometimes 10's depends on style (of course) I'm still losing, Thank God. Got this thing moving! going slow but at least it's going. When I had my gallbladder surgery on 5/20/09 I was 168 (can't forget they kept asking my weight in pre-op) so in 3 months have lost 11 lbs. not great, but pretty good considering honeymoon period almost over and the stress of not losing anymore and possible regain is looming over me. I'll take each ounce happily at this point whatever I lose is a gift. lots of frustration and do overs (had bad yesterday paid for it) but so far keep on truckin' - need 12 more pounds to get to my goal. I will get there, one way or another!!! although if I had ps on this tummy and boobs that would probably cover those 12 lbs LOL! but that's not gonna happen so I have to do it with working at it, being a better patient, doing what I'm supposed to do, eating better than I do. don't eat right or when I'm supposed to it's such a chore! oh well, another day another lesson learned. we shall persevere!!! That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

1 YR Post Op Surgiversary Today -101 lbs.

1 yr ago today I went into surgery thinking this is it, big drastic step. Hours later when I threw up blood (did it several times) I thought oh what have I done to myself? Between those episodes and the pain and the terror that something had gone wrong and I had to go back to surgery I regretted having surgery for that moment. By the time I got home, safe and sound I felt better about my decision. It's been a hard year, ups and downs, last 5 months have been hard because I've been sick for most of this time but now that gb is out, and my pain has calmed down I feel better. I'm still having pain issues but I am now under the care of a spine specialist to see if he can find out whats up. It's been a year of learning new things, making new friends, and every day is a new day a new battle. this is not easy, I didn't think it would be but it is harder than I expected. Although we do this to not ever diet again, we basically are on a permanent "diet". we still have to watch what we eat, when we eat, how we eat and why we eat! But I must say I can eat most things, except alot of sweets. I can however, have a little bit of sweetness like a mini bite of candy, a piece of cake w/lil frosting, just basically a bite but it's enough so I don't feel deprived and it doesn't hurt my "diet" Carbs are still a problem, I have to watch them carefully or my sugar shoots up and drops and I get the shakes and feel crappy. Sometimes it's pretty much a hit and miss situation. Some things make no sense, like how come I can eat eggs but in some forms it can make me feel crappy and down right disgusted. Some foods I eat 2 bites and I feel like I'm going to explode, other foods I can eat quite a big amount. Like I said a learning curve each time. This week someone told me I was so skinny I was going to disappear NOT! I am far from skinny, I am however skinnier than I was. Someone else asked me if I was mentally through the hurdle, I told her no. some days I see myself the same, fat, others I look and say wow I look thin. on the bad days I swear I can see an extra pound on me and I feel heavy like I gained 20 lbs. other days I feel small and feel proud. Don't get me wrong I was given a blessing, I was referred, approved and had surgery all within 9 months, it was pretty easy for me to get to surgery day and for that I am truly thankful. I am thankful every day that I got this surgery, but somedays it's so hard I don't know if I can make it. I am terrified of gaining weight again, but yet when I want that piece of candy I just want it, weight be damned. Do I eat a whole candy bar nope, can't wouldn't won't but do I want it, yes of course. I eat 1 slice of pizza, but I want 3 more, I can't so obviously I don't but my mind is stuck there and I swear I think about it for the rest of the day until someone else eats it and it's gone out of my sight. Like they say the surgery was on my tummy not my brain. I have my before/after pic here at work on my wall so that I can remember and make better choices. It's hard, it's sad sometimes, it's painful sometimes but getting past each hurdle is so worth it. I still have 16 lbs to "my" goal weight, but at 161 my surgeon considers me a success. I am down 101 lbs since I began the program, I've gone from a size 24 to wearing a size 8 jean (my daughters) my 2 girlfriends at work say I am gonna get thinner than they are and want to kill me (with love). so it's all good, the good and the bad days, the ups and downs. it's all a blessing to be thankful for, even when I feel like a failure (and yes I still have those days too). I am proud that I am here that I've come this far, that this year has taught me alot, has given me a new goal, given me new friends and the chance for a new life. I guess now that I made my year, I'm almost at goal, my new life begins in earnest. still looking towards what is to become and what I am going to do with this tool. THANK YOU to my wls family, my sisters and brothers in this fight we share in common. Without all of you I could not have made it through this journey. Extra thank you to Debby, my angel, I appreciate your friendship. Take care :) That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

July 5th -101 lbs. Finally!

Finally, -100 has been keeping away from me for weeks. been stuck at -99. twice this week i got on scale and it said 162, and I thought finally. ran got camera and then it was back to 163, deceived me. but today after verifying 3 times it said minus 101!!! yes 161 and a size 8! I am so excited finally this is a huge milestone. whats odd is that i thought for sure i had gained cause I know I ate well yesterday, but it was pretty much all meat :) lots of protein yesterday :) AND IT WILL BE MY 1 YR POST OP ON THE 23RD, I didn't make goal but I hit one big milestone and I am so grateful. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

JUNE 23 11 mos. Post Op -98 lbs.

so today I am 11 post op and down 98 lbs in total (pre/post). it sure is slow going but I lost 4 lbs in the last month, probably due to my gb surgery. I think it jolted my system and thats why I dropped the pounds. BUT for the past 3 Wednesday weigh ins my weight is stuck again! UGH I need 2 measly lbs. to get to -100 and it's taking forever, and only 19 lbs to goal. boy this is just annoying. I am able to get into my daughter's size 8 jeans, yippee, but I am wearing 10's cause I don't have funds to go out and buy clothes that fit. so I am wearing baggy jeans and trying to hold them up with a belt LOL. here are my progress pics for 11 mos post op. I shall post again asap. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

JUNE 3 - Weigh Day -97 WOOHOO

So today is weigh day and I'm down 97 lbs. I've actually lost 3 lbs. in 2 weeks since I had my gallbladder out, very odd. I am sick sick sick, can't get rid of this pain, gb is out, now what is going on. still haven't gone back to work. tomorrow is my post op we shall see what happens. I just got back from church, today i became a member of Shiloh Christian Church in Oakland, California, very sweet feeling to belong :) going to bed soon, hopefully I can feel better and get to work tomorrow. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

JUNE 1 - Wedding is over!

so the wedding has come and gone, pretty quick. I managed to fit into the dress thank God for losing 10 lbs since I ordered the dress, cause the swelling would have done me in. but I got a bra bustier and a panty girdle thingy and I was totally uncomfortable but I dealt with it :) enjoyed myself and was so grateful I looked decent in the pictures. here is one, i will post the rest to my albums. today i was supposed to go back to work but I didn't have the energy to do it, i had to go to dr. to get a cortisone shot for my hip pain, then they decided to give me a tetanus shot, so now my right hip and my left arm are hurting UGH! and i'm also still having surgery pain, I know it takes time but since I have to go back to work I need this ache to be gone. I had to squeeze into my jeans today and it was so uncomfortable. i guess i will need to deal with it while I commute to work and then pop the jeans open while I'm sitting at desk. so now that is hurting me more cause I was squished :)~ == watching tv now just trying to relax and get it together, try to feel better. I didn't eat today until til almost 1:00 pm I think that didn't help my feeling yucky. got to take better care of myself, my blood work came back bad still and not eating properly isn't going to help that. anyway home stresses are not helping either. there's just alot of snowballing going on and it's taking me with it. ugh! too much stress isn't good for recovery, praying for some relief very soon. :) That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

MAY POSTS

MAY 23 - 10 MOS POST OP - 94 lbs.

So yesterday was my 10 mos. surgiversary.NO PIC this month, swollen from gb surgery. total for pre and post op is -94 lbs. post op is 60 lbs. still going slow but this last month I lost 5 lbs. but it took 3 months to lose 10 lbs. boy that just is going so slow. So I had my gallbladder yanked out on Wednesday 5/20. that morning I weighed myself and I was 168 WOOHOO, I weighed again the next day, day after surgery and of course I was up to 171 +3 lbs. but I knew that could happen because of the iv fluids. so I wasn't concerned. Yesterday I weighed again and it was gone, I was back to 168 I am so happy that is the firm number for now. That's what I'm keeping! so my pain level is way better together, actually got to cough today! if you've ever had abdominal surgery you know exactly what I mean, you don't cough for days LOL you just kind of sorta try to but can't so you choke LOL but today pain practically gone so I was able to cough for real aahh relief. so I got 4 new holes around where the wls scars are, so now 10 scars, man! they are from middle of belly running to right side. one big one right in the middle in the top which is bruised pretty ugly and painful but way better today on day 4 post op. so gloomy weather Sunday, quiet house. ttyl

MAY 20 Surgery Day- UGH!

so it's a good day, bad day. I am finally going to get rid of this pain , albeit will have another pain for a few days , today I am having my gallbladder removed, I am feeling scared and nervous . I realized last night this was the first time I was having non-elective surgery since I was 15 years old when I had my tonsils removed first time I have a surgery cause something is wrong so it's a little nerve wracking. I had to get up before 5:00 am to eat something, since my surgery is at 1:45pm I was allowed to eat this a.m. because it still gives me 9 hrs before surgery for anesthesia purposes. But since I digest so quickly and don't eat a whole lot anyway it will be way gone before I hit the hospital :) so this is my last post for probably a couple of days depending on how I feel. I will be home tonight. yep in and out, it's like drive through surgery. doesn't seem safe at all but hospitals don't want the cost of overnight stays.

MAY 17 - 3 days til it's out!

So I had my pre-op on Friday, dr. talked to me, explained what was happening with my gallbladder. no explanation as to why my gallbladder went downhill so quickly. 1 year ago my gb was ejecting bile at 65% which is normal, now it's ejecting at %14. not good. pretty much not doing anything but swelling and causing me pain. so out it comes. surgery is Wednesday at 2:00 pm. I have to check in at noon and if all goes well I should be home around 7pm or so. she's gonna do some other type of test while she's in there, she's gonna check the ducts that will remain after she removes my gb to make sure there are no grains hiding in the ducts that could continue to cause me pain even after the gb is out. I will be off work until June 1, so I'll only miss 7 days work since the 25th is a holiday. i was going to take the 29th off anyway cause it's the day before the wedding and I need to go take care of my beautification or at least try. i still need that strapless bra and I'm stressing about it. the kids are oblivious about the surgery, I guess when you don't spend the night it doesn't seem major. melina wanted to take me at 6 (when we thought surgery was early) and leave me there and go to dentist and run errands. that really hurt my feelings cause I don't want to be in surgery and not have someone there, especially when I wake up. now I have to be there at 12, so no clue if anyone has time to take me. and pick me up. joel asked me if I wanted him here for surgery but I told him no cause he needs to get himself together over there. melina has been in her own world with her friends and now new bf and is never home. so josh is pretty much alone here now and he's bored and lonely I hope it doesn't lead to him having problems again. anyway i'll be home for a few days after the surgery. so i'll check in probably thursday, the day after surgery! see ya!

ANOTHER SURGERY

So the gallbladder has got to go. Finally answers to my pain, I just say get it out. sucks that another surgery within 10 mos. but I can't stay like this. Dr. emailed me today and told me normal gb function is 35-75%, mine is at 14%. last year when I had the HIDA Scan done it was at 65% which was normal. so dropped down pretty quick. so preop tomorrow and surgery is on Wednesday 5/20, NEXT WEEK! lord that's quick. but I'm gonna do it cause who knows when next date is available. I don't want to be in pain all the time. I have to be in a wedding on the 30th but I expect I should be able to move around by then. I pretty much was mobile 10 days after gastric bypass, so I should be okay. so here we go back to the OR!

I'm OVERWEIGHT!

and that's just fine yep finally got down to overweight status. hit 169 this a.m. and that makes my bmi 29.9 down from 46.4 (extremely obese). it also means the scale has decided to move out of the 170's. i have been stuck at 171-173 since March 18, very frustrating up down up down. I'm hoping when the gb issue gets fixed I can eat better and my weight will start going down. so my pain saga continues, the latest update is I went on Monday for a Hida Scan of my liver/gallbladder to see if they are functioning whacky and that is what is causing my continuing pain. so Dr. O'B emailed me yesterday and said there does seem to be a problem with my gb. she's referring it back to my original surgeon Dr. Chu. I just emailed her to light a fire under her to see what is the problem and what can we do to fix it cause I now feel more uncomfortable cause I think the chemicals that contracted my gb made it worse! my back hurts big time now. anyway, now it's a hurry up and wait. knowing the Kaiser system I will probably be in pain for a couple of more months until they schedule me for surgery, if that is what they decide to do. we shall see!

MAY 2, 2009 Meet & Greet

so on Saturday 05/02/09 I had the pleasure of going to lunch at Chevy's in Pleasant Hill, I got to meet some great folks from the California message board. I enjoyed the lunch, meeting the fellow surgery soulmates and we exchanged clothes, that was . 2 people stood out to me cause of their bubbly personality, Jenn, who is navy mom of 5, I loved her outgoing spirit and Rachel, she was just so sweet, she's preop and I hopefully can help her on her journey. Barb was awesome too and Leslie who sat next to me but was playing mommy to Jenn's angels. she took her 5 kids and OMG they behaved so well. when I heard she was bringing them I thought Oh Lord, please I want a peaceful lunch but nope they were very good. sweet, really nice kids. so that was good and the next 1 is set for June 27th and I kept thinking that date sounds familiar whats on my calendar, well i got home and noted that our family Discovery Kingdom day is on that day darn it! have to figure it out. I want to do both but can't. I wanted to do DK on 27th cause thats when the union has their family picnic day and we can get tickets to the park and a meal for a cheap price. but we may have to go another day. we shall say. on my weight loss journey, I joined gym last week. Planet Fitness. went 2x last week and I'm planning on going tonight. I don't think I'll go every day cause then I'll get bored but I will see. the wedding is coming close and I need to fit better in my bridesmaid dress. it fits but its snug and I think I need to breathe so time goes on my weight dropped a little but still pretty much stalled. i know I need to eat better it's just so difficult for me to eat right, I am also going through depression now. I just feel so down and out about everything and I don't see too much yippee in hurray. I don't have a life and I need to find one. anyway back to work now it's almost time to go.

That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

APRIL 29 9 mos. post op - 92 lbs.

So I should have posted last week when I made my 9 months post op but been a little flaky in the brain and didn't do it. So today was my weekly weigh in and I'm down to 170, which is -92 lbs. since the beginning of my journey, 8 more lbs and I've lost a total of 100. I need 25 lbs to get to my goal of 145. it's going slow and hard. so on top of that, I had a small bowel follow through test yesterday, the barium made me ill couldn't come to work. i hope they can figure out this pain soon, i'm so tired of it. turns out that i have reactive hypoglycemia, my sugar drop throughout the day when i eat carbs or go for awhile without eating. while i realized something was happening to me, that wasn't "normal" i didn't realize how dangerous it can be if I don't control it. some people pass out in the street, you can get very bad, it's like having a diabetic attack. this sucks! anyway today I go pick up my glucometer to keep track of my sugar and then i also have to write down everything I eat and the times and especially when I have attack. next week I go back to dr. to see what we can do about this problem. so right now I am facing 2 issues, the pain in my stomach or wherever it is and the sugar problem. Lord here my cry! I am tired just tired. I don't want to be sick and I surely don't want to be poking my finger every day and taking meds. I wanted this surgery to get me healthy not sicker. and to top it off my weight is stalled, now of course it could be because of this sugar issue so we shall see. anyway that's it for now. i'm tired. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

APRIL 15, 2009

I look at the heading up above that says "How I'm doing" and I just think "how am I doing?" sucky that's how. today is weigh day as it always is on Wednesdays, although I must confess I weigh everyday just so I can see if the dang thing has moved but I "record" Wednesdays weight only. so once again I went up 1 lb. this is the 2nd time since surgery this has happened and talk about a downer to the day. it just blows my mind that I am 8 mos. out and the damn scale is always stuck. right now I'm battling with 172-173 up and down and I'm telling you it's hitting me hard. I am in a funk about it and I am just "done" like why did I have this surgery to do be miserable and not get where I want to be. in 3 mos I'll be 1 year out and at this rate I won't make my goal of 145. I can't even get to -100 lbs. and i'm 10 lbs from there, doesn't sound like much but right now since i'm stuck 10 lbs is a long way away. I'm tired of it all, of constantly worrying about what I put in my mouth, of trying to figure out what I'm gonna put in my mouth of thinking I should be exercising but with all my aches and pains I can't even think of that. the most I can do is walk and if I do that too much my body is hurting for days. Now to top it off I got some inflammation in my rt thumb and I'm wearing a splint cause it was so bad I couldn't move my hand, had to go to urgent care, got a cortisone shot and then got a splint. dr says it has to rest or won't get better. so like it or not I have to wear the splint to let it rest. I got my bridesmaid dress on Saturday, it zipped up but it's a little snug at belly, another reason I need to be rid of 10 lbs. I think that's depressing me too, going to be a bridesmaid for the first time in my life and have to worry about what to wear, how i'm gonna look, getting my hair, nails and toes done, buying a bra/girdle, getting my tan straps to even out cause we ended up with spaghetti strap dress UGH! my entire life revolves around my body, my weight, my hanging skin, my lack of wardrobe. I truly need to get a life, to get some friends, some activities, something other than coming to work, sitting at home with kids and grandbabies. I need something to do with myself that involves me for me. well i'm gonna go now, get back to work. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

March 30 - 5 Day Pouch Test

MY NEW BUDDY, TEDDY P So I need my weight to move.. just move. I finally saw it go down to 171, and then swing back up to 173, sometimes 172. It's so annoying. Anyway a few girls on the group decided to do the 5dpt and I figured what the heck let me try and get ahead of the carb monster and maybe boost my weight. So yesterday was day 1, and it was hard not to be able to eat solid food. I messed up by having some pizza crust but other than that all i did was water, protein shake, soup, juice, yogurt, pudding, jello and coffee and that was it. obviously I was very hungry all day, having not eaten solids since Saturday night. It is now Monday afternoon and so far i've had 2 cups of coffee, a soup at hand, water, sf pudding no protein so far today. later this afternoon I will have some avocado and 1 string cheese and that's it. then some more soup for dinner. luckily tomorrow I get to add foods (tuna, eggs, salmon, and tilapia) all things I like and can survive on and I am allowed to eat it all I want, well as long as 1 cup or 4-6 ozs and I have to eat it in 15 mins. tops. I usually eat pretty quick but with "real" food I sometimes have to eat slow cause I get full quick, which is the entire point of doing this 5dpt to get your pouch to remember that full tight feeling from the first time after surgery. believe me I do still have that tight feeling, a few days ago I ate a piece of pizza too fast and I was in agony, it was really bad, I felt like the pizza was in a whole piece and it was tearing my pouch. whew, had to lay down and massage my pouch to try and get some relief, I couldn't even throw up. won't do that anymore. so I am off today cause since tomorrow is holiday I decided to make it a 4 day weekend. I'm sitting here browsing the before/after pics and reading stories, it gives me inspiration and ideas too. my little doggie is sitting with me, boy can he sleep. anyay soon I'll have a snack of liquid heaven and then take a nap. then later on I'll take Teddy for a walk. TTFN That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

MARCH 23 -91 lbs. 8 mos post op

So I should have blogged yesterday but was busy and I forgot it was my 8 mos po and I didn't weigh in the a.m., so I weighed in today and was down to 171!! YAY - 91 and a whole heck of alot to go. 2 more lbs and I'll be overweight! YEAH can't wait for that BMI calculator to be nice to me. So I'm down just 3 lbs. since my 7 mos po man that sucks! I have to move my butt alot more. I just got a lil dog so maybe I can drag him outside to walk with me and get this weight moving. I'm still in pain, have to talk to gastro dr next week for endoscopy. constantly hurting, nausea, pain, now heartburn is back. not a happy camper. somebody has to fix this! okay back to work. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

March 18 -89 lbs. slow progress

So I am now almost 8 months post op and the scale is still moving but so slowly, in 6 weeks I've lost 6 lbs. even though I must say it seems like it's never moving but it is just slow. I was stuck for the past 3-4 weeks and even went up 1 lb. for the first time since surgery, but lost 2 lbs this past week so now I got to kick it up and keep it going down. I'm gonna be a bridemaid in May and I just fit in the size 12 dress I have to wear but I need to lost 5-10 lbs. to be a bit more comfortable in it. (see pic)

So I went to Florida the first week of March, my sis invited me on her vacation, I got 3 days notice! but I had a great time, got a tan, had my hair done (colored, highlighted and cut) and just got a break. sat on beach for a few days, some days were too cold to go on beach but I had fun. i'll post pics.

I am still having stomach pains, gallbladder ultrasound was normal so I don't know. going back to surgeon tomorrow. i really dont' feel well and I hope they fix it cause I don't want anything going wrong now after being okay for 8 months. anyway drama at home, my son and his gf broke up, so gf and my grandson moved out and I just miss my lil boy so much, I think that's wearing on me too. making me sad. i saw him yesterday but he was distant and only wanted his daddy. he's walking now and is so cute I sure am upset that I'll be missing his daily life after being with him for 11 months of his life. now him and my granddaughter are dividing their time between parents, it truly truly sucks!anyway, next week is my 8 months post op, I'll post again.

That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy