APRIL 29 9 mos. post op - 92 lbs.

So I should have posted last week when I made my 9 months post op but been a little flaky in the brain and didn't do it. So today was my weekly weigh in and I'm down to 170, which is -92 lbs. since the beginning of my journey, 8 more lbs and I've lost a total of 100. I need 25 lbs to get to my goal of 145. it's going slow and hard. so on top of that, I had a small bowel follow through test yesterday, the barium made me ill couldn't come to work. i hope they can figure out this pain soon, i'm so tired of it. turns out that i have reactive hypoglycemia, my sugar drop throughout the day when i eat carbs or go for awhile without eating. while i realized something was happening to me, that wasn't "normal" i didn't realize how dangerous it can be if I don't control it. some people pass out in the street, you can get very bad, it's like having a diabetic attack. this sucks! anyway today I go pick up my glucometer to keep track of my sugar and then i also have to write down everything I eat and the times and especially when I have attack. next week I go back to dr. to see what we can do about this problem. so right now I am facing 2 issues, the pain in my stomach or wherever it is and the sugar problem. Lord here my cry! I am tired just tired. I don't want to be sick and I surely don't want to be poking my finger every day and taking meds. I wanted this surgery to get me healthy not sicker. and to top it off my weight is stalled, now of course it could be because of this sugar issue so we shall see. anyway that's it for now. i'm tired. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

APRIL 15, 2009

I look at the heading up above that says "How I'm doing" and I just think "how am I doing?" sucky that's how. today is weigh day as it always is on Wednesdays, although I must confess I weigh everyday just so I can see if the dang thing has moved but I "record" Wednesdays weight only. so once again I went up 1 lb. this is the 2nd time since surgery this has happened and talk about a downer to the day. it just blows my mind that I am 8 mos. out and the damn scale is always stuck. right now I'm battling with 172-173 up and down and I'm telling you it's hitting me hard. I am in a funk about it and I am just "done" like why did I have this surgery to do be miserable and not get where I want to be. in 3 mos I'll be 1 year out and at this rate I won't make my goal of 145. I can't even get to -100 lbs. and i'm 10 lbs from there, doesn't sound like much but right now since i'm stuck 10 lbs is a long way away. I'm tired of it all, of constantly worrying about what I put in my mouth, of trying to figure out what I'm gonna put in my mouth of thinking I should be exercising but with all my aches and pains I can't even think of that. the most I can do is walk and if I do that too much my body is hurting for days. Now to top it off I got some inflammation in my rt thumb and I'm wearing a splint cause it was so bad I couldn't move my hand, had to go to urgent care, got a cortisone shot and then got a splint. dr says it has to rest or won't get better. so like it or not I have to wear the splint to let it rest. I got my bridesmaid dress on Saturday, it zipped up but it's a little snug at belly, another reason I need to be rid of 10 lbs. I think that's depressing me too, going to be a bridesmaid for the first time in my life and have to worry about what to wear, how i'm gonna look, getting my hair, nails and toes done, buying a bra/girdle, getting my tan straps to even out cause we ended up with spaghetti strap dress UGH! my entire life revolves around my body, my weight, my hanging skin, my lack of wardrobe. I truly need to get a life, to get some friends, some activities, something other than coming to work, sitting at home with kids and grandbabies. I need something to do with myself that involves me for me. well i'm gonna go now, get back to work. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy