APRIL 15, 2009

I look at the heading up above that says "How I'm doing" and I just think "how am I doing?" sucky that's how. today is weigh day as it always is on Wednesdays, although I must confess I weigh everyday just so I can see if the dang thing has moved but I "record" Wednesdays weight only. so once again I went up 1 lb. this is the 2nd time since surgery this has happened and talk about a downer to the day. it just blows my mind that I am 8 mos. out and the damn scale is always stuck. right now I'm battling with 172-173 up and down and I'm telling you it's hitting me hard. I am in a funk about it and I am just "done" like why did I have this surgery to do be miserable and not get where I want to be. in 3 mos I'll be 1 year out and at this rate I won't make my goal of 145. I can't even get to -100 lbs. and i'm 10 lbs from there, doesn't sound like much but right now since i'm stuck 10 lbs is a long way away. I'm tired of it all, of constantly worrying about what I put in my mouth, of trying to figure out what I'm gonna put in my mouth of thinking I should be exercising but with all my aches and pains I can't even think of that. the most I can do is walk and if I do that too much my body is hurting for days. Now to top it off I got some inflammation in my rt thumb and I'm wearing a splint cause it was so bad I couldn't move my hand, had to go to urgent care, got a cortisone shot and then got a splint. dr says it has to rest or won't get better. so like it or not I have to wear the splint to let it rest. I got my bridesmaid dress on Saturday, it zipped up but it's a little snug at belly, another reason I need to be rid of 10 lbs. I think that's depressing me too, going to be a bridesmaid for the first time in my life and have to worry about what to wear, how i'm gonna look, getting my hair, nails and toes done, buying a bra/girdle, getting my tan straps to even out cause we ended up with spaghetti strap dress UGH! my entire life revolves around my body, my weight, my hanging skin, my lack of wardrobe. I truly need to get a life, to get some friends, some activities, something other than coming to work, sitting at home with kids and grandbabies. I need something to do with myself that involves me for me. well i'm gonna go now, get back to work. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy