Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
I'm chilling here with mellie at my house, I took a vicodin at the bus stop because I'm tired of this headache and now I keep nodding off, I'm exhausted. it's almost 10:00 and that would be early for me but I may have to hit the sack. Last night at Mellie's I went to bed at 11 but since there was no noise, no kids, no dog, i slept through the night without any bothers. It's not only 3 1/2 weeks to surgery day crazy, when Nancy called it was 5 weeks, now it's getting shorter and shorter. I can't even believe that this is going to happen. I gave David the catastropic request form for me and he approved it, now I have to figure out how to get it processed. so i'm getting ready for sleep now. by the way I haven't heard from my "patient" Maria, I'm supposed to be her Angel for her surgery tomorrow, I'm worried it's odd. everyone been emailing congrats online she hasn't answered and nothing. oh well will see if her family person calls me to give me the update.That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
I can honestly say that I am nervous, scared really. If I think to much I get tears in my eyes. I'm not scared about my new life because of this surgery, I'm scared of the surgery process. Going in and getting prepped and they make you wait so long, lying on the table waiting to go to the OR, I get anxiety just thinking about it and it's not cause it's surgery. I get anxiety even to have a procedure that requires IV, and putting me to sleep. I don't know why, maybe because I lose control for that space of time when I'm knocked out and I don't know what is happening, the possibility of not waking up, of something going wrong is extremely scary. It won't stop me, I know this is the right thing especially because everything has gone so well, the program and the steps have gone through so smoothly that I truly believe that God is making this happen for me. So I know I will stay in prayer, I will pray up a storm before the bed gets wheeled into the OR. I will pray for the doctors hands and the anesthesiologist to be a God fearing man and know that he has my life in his hands. When the surgery is over and I open my eyes I will say thank you God and pray that every person the hospital team touches is blessed like me. I know this is going to be hard and I'm ready, I am blessed with a family that is supportive, with a great group of girlfriends who understand what I'm going through and I haven't met most of the women, it's just a bond we have because of our path. I have great co-workers who are also supportive and concerned. So I know I am blessed, I know that this is what is the right thing to do and when I am on the "other" side losing my weight and feeling better and being able to do so much more in life I will again Thank God and say I am blessed and so grateful for my life! I know I ramble, this blog may not be a good thing for me because I think alot and I've always been the kind of person to keep on writing until my hand cramps or the ink runs out, unfortunately with computers my hand is fine and there is no ink and paper to run out LOL. I know lots of folks won't get into reading all this cause it can be too much but I hope if anyone does read this as often as they wish that they take something positive from it, that they feel touched and are given a new hope. That is all I can ask. SO HERE ARE PICS OF THE REASON I AM TAKING THIS JOURNEY! MY CHILDREN, MELINA, JOEL AND JOSHUA and MY PRECIOUS GRANDSON, TRAVIS.THE TRUE LOVES OF MY LIFE! and the new addition, Travis, my son Joshua's little boy.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Well 29 more days to go. Can't believe it, it will be here before I realize. I have to start making list of what I need to take to hospital and what foods I will need when I get out. One of the many reasons I am desperate for the days to fly by is because I will be off work for 1 whole month. I am so desperate to have that time off. I am tired of coming in when I just don't feel like it. I'm tired of this weight, of obsessing about it, of just not feeling right. I'm also fed up worrying about money all the time, it's like it's never enough. BUT oh well what can we do. I can only do so much I can't dwell on what I can't change right now. Right now my main concern is my surgery and recovering from that shock to my system. I really really want to go to NY to be with Jean and also to just be doing nothing while I recover but not sure if that's gonna happen since Jeannie has some problems shes dealing with I really miss her. I loved hanging out with her. This time though she won't have to feed me! I feel like I need some sisterly interaction cause I just feel lonely without some more family around. I don't know why? but since Dec 07 when I spent time with Jean and Yvette I realized I missed it. I don't know my sisters at all, and I really would like to know them and my nieces and nephews before they go on with their lives and making their families. It's lunch time and I'm going to go get some air and take a walk. I need a break!