Friday, June 27, 2008

JUNE 27, 2008 - 26 DAYS TO GO

June 27, 2008 - *HELLO* Today started the pits! I woke up with the mother of all headaches, AGAIN, but I had to go to work because I already missed one day and I'm also trying to go out on medical leave for surgery so I can't keep missing. Took a maxalt pill on the bus and then just tried to close my eyes on bart. got to the office and took the sinus headache pills and it calmed it down a little bit. On top of that drama drama with Kristy and ARA and my head almost fell off. Anyway day flew by. I ended up having a pastrami sandwich from lee's which I haven't had in about a year and I was just craving bit time I thought it would make me sick but it didn't. Of course, it was probably more heavy than I should have eaten. Today I was okay, I had toast and coffee for breakfast, 1/2 a blueberry muffin for snack and then the sandwich for lunch. when I rushed and finally arrived at kaiser to get weighed I had a fruit salad and diet ice tea. By the way the scale at kaiser clinic weighed me 237 up 1 lb, AGAIN I HATE THAT SCALE. anyway group was okay, a little boring. the woman that was #13 on Chu's surgery list (I was #12) also got her date she is going Aug. 5, 2 other women in group got there dates too, Aug. 13 and Aug. 18. but what made me think was the woman told me I should do Atkins for the next 2 weeks to get a bunch of weight off so that I won't be stressing about being over on the hospital scale. so I decided that is what I'm gonna do. as of tonight I started atkins, no carbs or at least very small carbs. meat, eggs, cheese and salad. for 1 week and then I'll see how it goes, that should jump start it again. I have about 25 days so that just a little over 3 weeks. so I can do this atkins for 1 week, maybe 2 and then protein drinks and liquids soft stuff for the last week or so. whatever I have to do to get myself enough below goal that I don't stress about the difference in scales. When I weighed this a.m. it still said 234, then I go to clinic and it says 237. that's just too much for me to bear. freaking me out. I bought a little pocket calendar to keep track of my surgery stats and appts. after group I went to Target and bought the calendar and a bunch of non carb snacks to eat. it's 11:30 pm now and I'm going to bed soon. Josh and Britt are still gone so it's pretty quieet. which is cool a quiet weekend. I miss them though it's so quiet here and I also of course miss Travis. he's such a cutie. Mella went out tonight with her friend from work, good thing, she should have some fun.

Today was Moms 68th b/d, we didn't do anything because she asked us not to because she knows we have no $$ I gave her a card. Next week I'll get her something. In about 5 months I'll be 48, WOW! I expect to be slimmer and alot more healthy by then. That will be reason to celebrate for sure. It's getting late I'm ready to hit the sack. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong!


Thursday, June 26, 2008

JUNE 26, 2008 - 27 DAYS TO GO!!

June 26, 2008 *HELLO* Woohoo closer and closer, I am realizing it's like 3 1/2 weeks away. Wow I never wanted weekends to end so fast as now cause each weekend ending means another week starting and I am getting closer. Tomorrow is weigh day, at home, and at group, I haven't been bad so I am praying the scale cooperates. Its so stressful to keep this weight off, because it can creep back on so easily.
It's been a long long day. I spent the night with Mellie and then today we got up and went to her OB appt. she's doing good and Bella is fine. I went to work after that. I hate getting to work late I feel so disoriented when I get in late. I was crazy busy because there were a bunch of emails waiting for me. I stayed at work until almost 5:30 since I got there at 11:45. I didn't get lunch because everyone went to lunch and forgot to ask me if I wanted anything so I had a protein bar, yogurt, string cheese and a plum for lunch. Mellie had made me 2 scrambled eggs for breakfast so at least I wasn't starved. I was starved by the time I got off bart so I bought a hotdog and ate that, then came home and had some chicken. I just inputted into fitday and I was good to go! tomorrow is weight day.

I'm chilling here with mellie at my house, I took a vicodin at the bus stop because I'm tired of this headache and now I keep nodding off, I'm exhausted. it's almost 10:00 and that would be early for me but I may have to hit the sack. Last night at Mellie's I went to bed at 11 but since there was no noise, no kids, no dog, i slept through the night without any bothers. It's not only 3 1/2 weeks to surgery day crazy, when Nancy called it was 5 weeks, now it's getting shorter and shorter. I can't even believe that this is going to happen. I gave David the catastropic request form for me and he approved it, now I have to figure out how to get it processed. so i'm getting ready for sleep now. by the way I haven't heard from my "patient" Maria, I'm supposed to be her Angel for her surgery tomorrow, I'm worried it's odd. everyone been emailing congrats online she hasn't answered and nothing. oh well will see if her family person calls me to give me the update.

That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

JUNE 25, 2008 - 28 Days to go!

June 25, 2008 * Hello* ! well today hasn't started out that great. I've been having my headaches again for a few days and it's making it hard to function. Between the sinus headache and the arthritis in my neck, I'm an unhappy camper (see Tweety) I stayed home today and that pisses me off too because I don't like missing work and between the headaches and the stomach issues I've missed alot of work. I'm hoping this surgery helps with both those problems, hopefully getting some weight off my chest and belly will alleviate the pulling on my neck and help a little bit. I had pasta last night, I try not to eat carbs but it always seems so hard to do that, so I try to limit the carbs I eat but sometimes that doesn't work. That is part of the reason I need this surgery, the fact that I really can't eat alot of breads, pastas and rice without feeling very uncomfortable will surely help me control my portions. I am drinking my water, alot of water at least 3 (24oz.) bottles, which equals 72 oz a day, so that part of all this is going well. I'm also taking most of my vitamins, I still haven't bought the iron pills, so I have to pick those up on payday. I've started making lists of what I need to have to eat when I get home so I can buy it before I go to hospital. I plan on sticking to the rules 100%, the plan says specific foods for specific lengths of time and I'm gonna stick to it because I truly believe it will make my loss way faster. If I start adding stuff or eating the same stuff but just pureeing or chopping or whatever to get it down my throat that doesn't seem to make sense to me. If the doctor says just eat these things for this period of time I think it should be followed to the letter. A few of the girls on the boards, Lisa & Dee followed the rules to the "T" not waivering and they have done very well. I can't wait for this to be done.

I can honestly say that I am nervous, scared really. If I think to much I get tears in my eyes. I'm not scared about my new life because of this surgery, I'm scared of the surgery process. Going in and getting prepped and they make you wait so long, lying on the table waiting to go to the OR, I get anxiety just thinking about it and it's not cause it's surgery. I get anxiety even to have a procedure that requires IV, and putting me to sleep. I don't know why, maybe because I lose control for that space of time when I'm knocked out and I don't know what is happening, the possibility of not waking up, of something going wrong is extremely scary. It won't stop me, I know this is the right thing especially because everything has gone so well, the program and the steps have gone through so smoothly that I truly believe that God is making this happen for me. So I know I will stay in prayer, I will pray up a storm before the bed gets wheeled into the OR. I will pray for the doctors hands and the anesthesiologist to be a God fearing man and know that he has my life in his hands. When the surgery is over and I open my eyes I will say thank you God and pray that every person the hospital team touches is blessed like me. I know this is going to be hard and I'm ready, I am blessed with a family that is supportive, with a great group of girlfriends who understand what I'm going through and I haven't met most of the women, it's just a bond we have because of our path. I have great co-workers who are also supportive and concerned. So I know I am blessed, I know that this is what is the right thing to do and when I am on the "other" side losing my weight and feeling better and being able to do so much more in life I will again Thank God and say I am blessed and so grateful for my life! I know I ramble, this blog may not be a good thing for me because I think alot and I've always been the kind of person to keep on writing until my hand cramps or the ink runs out, unfortunately with computers my hand is fine and there is no ink and paper to run out LOL. I know lots of folks won't get into reading all this cause it can be too much but I hope if anyone does read this as often as they wish that they take something positive from it, that they feel touched and are given a new hope. That is all I can ask. SO HERE ARE PICS OF THE REASON I AM TAKING THIS JOURNEY! MY CHILDREN, MELINA, JOEL AND JOSHUA and MY PRECIOUS GRANDSON, TRAVIS.

THE TRUE LOVES OF MY LIFE! and the new addition, Travis, my son Joshua's little boy.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

JUNE 24, 2008 - 29 Days to Go!

June 24, 2008 * Hello* well another day at work. It's been quiet here. I'm okay today, have a bad headache though, (so what else is new) The weather is cool outside. I've done okay with eating today. Had nutrisystem cereal with soy milk, 2 string cheeses and just had my South Beach protein bar. It's almost 1:00 so I'll be going to lunch soon, going to go for a walk with Kristy.

Well 29 more days to go. Can't believe it, it will be here before I realize. I have to start making list of what I need to take to hospital and what foods I will need when I get out. One of the many reasons I am desperate for the days to fly by is because I will be off work for 1 whole month. I am so desperate to have that time off. I am tired of coming in when I just don't feel like it. I'm tired of this weight, of obsessing about it, of just not feeling right. I'm also fed up worrying about money all the time, it's like it's never enough. BUT oh well what can we do. I can only do so much I can't dwell on what I can't change right now. Right now my main concern is my surgery and recovering from that shock to my system. I really really want to go to NY to be with Jean and also to just be doing nothing while I recover but not sure if that's gonna happen since Jeannie has some problems shes dealing with I really miss her. I loved hanging out with her. This time though she won't have to feed me! I feel like I need some sisterly interaction cause I just feel lonely without some more family around. I don't know why? but since Dec 07 when I spent time with Jean and Yvette I realized I missed it. I don't know my sisters at all, and I really would like to know them and my nieces and nephews before they go on with their lives and making their families. It's lunch time and I'm going to go get some air and take a walk. I need a break!

Monday, June 23, 2008

JUNE 23, 2008 - 30 Days to Go!

June 23, 2008 - * Hello* Well it's Monday, quiet at work but busy. my buddy Maria is still out on BL and I miss her. I am so exhausted today I can't stand it. I think it may be because I don't eat right, or should I say I don't eat heavy or alot so I'm blah. I have been creating this blog today, I'd like to keep track of my journey on a site that everyone can view. The blog is only for members and it's a little complicated to navigate. I am going to give out this address for my buddies to see how I am doing. I am so tired today. gonna hit the sack after updating my blog. My treadmill is set up so tomorrow I'll get on it, today I did my exercise by walking from bart to market, and from market to bus and from bus to house. that's it. i was pooped and my foot was hurting so that's it. I had some chocolate covered pretzels today that Bel sent me so that isn't good but I did count it in my calories/fat/carb on so at least. my calories are still good but the carbs skyrocket with everything I put in my mouth. I bought some special K cereal again they are the only one with low carbs. that and soy milk will be my breakfast.
Grand Canyon 08-07 **** NYC 12-08-07
Office, San Francisco 12-13-07
So Here are a couple of pics from last year I think this is my highest weight when I went to Vegas, Grand Canyon and the office Christmas Party but I think I may have been heavier after I had each kid. I have lost weight twice and gained it again, so that is why this is what I need to do.

Friday, June 20, 2008

JUNE 20, 2008 - 33 Days to Go!

June 20, 2008 - *Hello* I lost 2 lbs this week!!! I've been stuck for weeks up a couple past goal then back to goal and up again My goodness! I wanted so bad to go under because the clinic scale scares me! But Debby my buddy told me that the scale outside the operating room matches her home scale so that is my prayer for today! I'm going to keep losing weight as much as I can in 5 weeks and pray that the stupid scale at clinic for pre-op check in and surgery day is correct.I am so so proud of myself today, I feel like I haven't even lost the other 26 lbs., the 2 lbs made me so happy. I was stuck up and down up and down but no lower than 236 so I was bummed but I keep on trucking. This journey is hard and long but I just have to look at the end prize. even though I am starting to get a little nervous. I am so glad Melina decided not to go on her trip to camp because I couldn't go to hospital without her there, I know I get anxiety when I'm facing a procedure I can't imagine how I am going to feel facing surgery. I hope my boys go too. but I'll understand if they don't they are not saying much about the surgery so I know they aren't in to it. Margie at work keeps telling me if I'm sure, that if I've lost before and I'm doing so good why can't I just keep doing it naturally. I told her no matter what you say I've made my decision. I have to do this. no choice. Work is good very quiet, I miss Maria but she won't be back until next back to the grind.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

June 18, 2008 GOT MY DATE!!

June 18, 2008 As I said I have God and angels watching over me. After getting the call yesterday telling me I would not be scheduled until August. today I got a huge surprise, Nancy the surgeons coordinator called me to let me know she got a cancellation for July 23rd and if I wanted that date. Heck yeah! I am so so thrilled. so my preop is on July 11th and then I go in on July 23rd. I can't believe it, finally go the magic date. Nancy told me I have to be at goal on the preop appt. so that's where I am I'm trying to lose some extra pounds. so i have some leeway for the difference in scales. It just so happens my daughter had already requested that week off so she will be with me and I can stay with her to recover for a bit. I am praying I can go to New York for a little bit to spend time with my sisters and to recuperate. not sure yet cause my sister Jean is having some personal issues, which I hope get resolved because I really want to go spend some time with her! so that's it for today. terrible headache all day, went to the funeral services for maria's mominlaw and ate bad food today, had pupusas 2 of them and felt so sick thought I was gonna barf! so now i'm just watching the clock to see if I make it until 5. 3 weeks for my preop appt. 5 weeks until surgery day!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

June 17, 2008 - The Wait Goes On!

June 17, 2008 - Well I decided to call Nancy the coordinator for doc and left a message asking about my surgery date. She left me a vm that she would be scheduling me for August. She said she didn't have the calendar for August yet but that is the month I will be scheduled for and she will call me with the date asap. I'm a little upset cause we're talking 2 more months I am so tired of waiting, it's so stressful. I was so hoping for July, not only do I want the surgery but I am looking forward to being off work for a little bit, I need a long break so anyway now I just have to do whatever is necessary to get my weight below the goal so when they do call I am ready to go at a moments notice, there could always be the possibility of a cancellation so that is all I can hope for at this point. I am praying someone on the list ahead of me decides to chicken out and I can move up the list fast. I just have to keep calling and updating them and stay in touch so that my name is fresh in nancys mind when the time for scheduling comes up. I'm ready to go and I'm tired of waiting.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

June 01, 2008- Pictures of me Growing UP

This were taken during my growing up years, the one with the little cap was in New York on the Circle Line tour boat, I was 9 yrs old and you can see I am already heavy for my age. The one in the light blue dress was in San Jose and I was 18.

My Story

My Story, So let me tell you a little about me. I have been heavy my entire life, I have pictures of myself in 6 grade and I'm heavy, not grossly but overweight for my age & height. I've lost weight several times with Weight Watchers, fen-phen and various other programs. I thought about taking this journey a few years ago but then didn't go through with it. I have 3 children, adults now. They are my life, if not for them I would not care about life, I would have no reason to do this. My oldest boy is my joy, a funny, loving, warm sensitve son, my daughter is my soul, a true reflection of me, she has a gentle independent spirit and I adore her soul. My baby boy is my heart, the celebration of the love I once had for his dad. His smile is a joy, it gets him in trouble but he's a sweetheart. Last year my son let me know his girlfriend was pregnant. so now I am first time grandma since april 25, 2008 I have a gorgeous sweet little grandson and in November 2008 my daughter will be having a little girl. DOUBLE BLESSINGS. This sealed my decision to start this journey again. On October 9, 2007 I told my PCP that I wanted the referral to the Bariatric program, 10 days later I received my approval to join the Bariatric Program at Kaiser. So now my journey begins.