Thursday, September 17, 2009

14 Months Out - things not going so good

someone in my online support group asked me today if I regret having this surgery, here's my response. I do not regret the surgery, I've lost weight so far 105 lbs. from before and after surgery. still need to lose more but it's good. I say I don't regret it but I honestly feel that I don't know what I've done to myself by doing this. you caught me at a time where I am just not happy. it's been a few months and it's probably got alot to do with the hormones but sometimes i am sad that I had the surgery because my life has changed so much as far as eating. it's been 14 months and I still obssess about food, all day it's a struggle with what i'm eating, how much and that i ate the wrong thing. in the past 2 weeks i gained 3 lbs and i don't know how and that has just added to my depression. the loose skin issue has also got me depressed and when i see that yes i regret the surgery. i think it has alot to do also with me not having a social life, i have no friends, i only go to work and home. so it allows for alot of sitting and thinking time, and of course thinking about food and grazing out of boredom. definitely the health issues I had are gone now, but due to the arthritis and now a joint issue in my back i'll never be pain free and that still holds me back which upsets me because i didn't go through this surgery to still be sitting down instead of running around. it's great that my clothes size is down that I share clothes with my daughter, but right now during the past few weeks I feel so fat and so low and just don't have any desire to deal with this eating issue. today i had a cookie and it was not a little cookie it was big and i took the chance and ate it, i didn't dump but i felt woozy and just weak and it's been 4 hours and i still feel out of sorts. of course can't do that all the time so I have to watch it. I think some of us get this surgery and think that their life will change in a different way and it doesn't. my life is the same except for the fact that I can't enjoy a meal, can't go to a restaurant and order something and actually enjoy it. sometimes i cook because i'm craving something so much and then i cook it, have a few bites and i'm disgusted with it, i hate that. I will say that if anyone, including you, asks me if I would recommend the surgery I say yes, go for it. don't let anything or anyone keep you from the surgery that will probably save your life. my experiences are mine, everyone is different and I think for the most part most people don't go through this down period I am feeling. but then again I do feel that most people do have the periods of "what did I do?" and probably don't admit it because then they may have someone say "I told you so" or "deal with it you wanted surgery there you go" but me, I won't lie to anyone that asks me about the life after surgery, it's not easy, it's hard, it takes alot of willpower and committment, but yes I would do it again. SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG BUT I GUESS I HAD TO LET IT OUT. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy

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