February 16, 2010 - 19 months out

Wow I haven't posted in awhile. I actually forget to post :)~ The weight is still hanging off of me, thank God. I kind of fluctuate 5 lbs up and down but as of yesterday I'm back to goal of 145. I wear a size 6 in jeans, I still wear 8's cause it's what I have and no money to buy anything else. I tried on a dress that Melina just bought it was an 8 and it fit perfectly, a little big up top but thats the style of the dress and the fact that I am now wearing 36D, for heavens sake from a 42D, my chest has melted and it's surely not pretty. Here is a pic of the dress, it's kind of fuzzy because Joshua didn't like me looking so sexy and I had to force him to take the picture, so he did it quick and didn't even focus it.

hhm PICTURES don't seem to be loading I will probably have to add them manually :(

also on the big news front, I have a new granddaughter, Lily Marie Davila was born Monday, January 25, 2010, 1 week late. quick delivery and she is beautiful. big baby, the biggest of the 3 grandbabies, 8 lbs 5 oz and 21 inches. she's long and thin, long skinny feet and such a good baby. she's a joy and so pretty, since she was a full size she isn't scrawny or anything her cheeks are full :) dark hair and fair skin, she's darker than Britt and Travis LOL. Travis is doing okay with her, he has his moments. Isabella sees her, makes comments but she's in a whatever stage at the moment.

So as for me and this weight loss thing can't believe I am at goal, and it's hard to keep thinking about how easy it is to blow it, so it kind of gives me anxiety when I see some of my yahoo support group people gaining 40 lbs in a year, I think 2 of the women posted that last month. it's scary. makes me so nervous. I don't exercise like I should because of the arthritis, the bad knee and the horrible back. it really is inexplainable how bad my back can hurt and when my knee decides to get into the mix forget it. I did get my 3rd supartz shot so that hopefully will help my knee. I have to go for a follow up mri this week to see how my back is doing. I didn't enjoy the shot in my spine that I got back in August so I truly am praying I don't need it again but I will do whatever I have to do to get some relief. I didn't lose all this weight to still be disabled by these aches.

so it's not easy having your stomach and intestines cut and re-routed as always the people that think this is easy yeah right, you try it. restrictions are huge, pain is daily if you're not careful and I am not always careful. I do feel deprived sometimes but for the most part I can eat whatever food I want just small quantities and carefully. I can even have some sweets, just a little and some bug me more than others so I stay away from the sweets except for chips ahoy, they always seem to be in the house and I tend to have 2 at a time sometimes twice a day but not always just when I want a snack. more than 2 will be bad so I limit them. at work we have someone who always has those mini bite chocolates and I may have 1 of those a day, usually 3 musketeers, twix, kit kat, something like that. sometimes just eat half of one but at least I know I can if I want to.

so I got a haircut this weekend, even got a pedi, courtesy of Melina. God Bless her! I don't ever have money to do anything for myself anymore and it sucks that I can't shop or buy anything I want to buy but at least this weekend I got those 2 things and also got treated to dinner at Red Lobster, I ate enough and brought home the rest for the next day. Josh and I took care of it :)

for the most part I am doing okay. have pain daily but I just have to work through it and try to move on. dealing with maintaining my weight is so stressful. I still log my weight every Wednesday but I check it at least 2-3 times a week so that I know what is happening and try and stay on track.

Anyway, that's it for now.